If a Two-year-old Can Be Respectful, Why Can't You?
February 2020
One of the first “leadership” lessons I ever learned, at about the age of two, was to always show respects to others, and especially to my elders. Respect is not a difficult concept if a two-year-old can act on it.
At age two, respect meant saying “Please”, “Thank you” and “You’re welcome”. It meant never calling adults (other than family) by their first name, but by Mr., Mrs., or Miss (last name). It meant not talking back to my parents, other grown-ups, or the babysitter. It meant saying “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, sir” when asked a question or told to do something. It meant sitting up straight and quietly eating the food placed in front of me at the dining table, with a napkin laid neatly in my lap and without placing my elbows on the table. It meant not whining. It meant putting my hand in front of my mouth when I coughed or sneezed. It meant getting dressed up to go to church or out to dinner. It meant not running or using a loud voice inside anyone’s house.
That’s a lot for a two-year-old to learn and remember, but it can be done.
When I went to kindergarten, at the age of four, respect now also meant following the school dress code. It meant quietly standing in line, not touching anyone, before entering the class room. It meant doing whatever the teacher told me to do, immediately, without talking back. It meant not talking during lessons unless I was called upon. It meant quietly raising my hand if I thought I knew the answer to a question and politely waiting to be called upon. It meant standing up straight and tall to clearly recite the Pledge of Allegiance, with my right hand over my heart, and sing “My Country Tis of Thee” every morning.
That’s a lot for a four-year-old to learn and remember, but it can be done.
From a very early age, I also learned being disrespectful came with serious consequences, which re-enforced my understanding of just how important these things were. Such lessons of respect last a lifetime, for a very good reason.
Why? Because being respectful, doing unto others as you would have them do unto you (The Golden Rule), helps society run smoothly. People who are respected are happier (we all know, if Momma isn’t happy, no one is going to be happy!). Rules of respect form the acceptable boundaries in which we can operate safely and effectively. In turn, we feel welcome, cared about, appreciated and proud of who we are. When others feel respected by you, they are more likely to appreciate and respect you in return. Like the old song by the Staple Sisters said, “If you disrespect anybody that you run in to, how in the world do you think anybody's s'posed to respect you.”
But what about respect in the workplace?
The same kind of things many of us learned at a tender age, and much more, apply in the workplace. You will never have a WOW Factor Workplace unless everyone is respectful of each other, from managers and staff, to vendors and customers.
Respect in the workplace is about treating everyone with courtesy, consideration, and kindness. Respect is encouraging, or at least allowing, those around us to politely express their opinions and ideas. It means listening to what they have to say without butting in or cutting them off. It’s about not calling anyone by derogatory names, belittling them, or demeaning their abilities or personal characteristics. It’s about politely sharing alternative perspectives and not being abusively critical. Respect is helping all team members become better at what they do. It’s valuing them as individuals with unique personal desires, needs and ambitions.
Out of respect for everyone in the workplace, certain subjects should never be discussed or even joked about at work: 1. Politics, 2. Religion, 3. Sex. Period.
Everyone at work deserves to be treated with respect, even when it’s time to direct them to other career opportunities outside your organization. Some of this can be difficult to accomplish, especially if you didn’t learn the basics as a child, but it can be done, and the sooner the better. There is no better time than now to start being respectful to everyone, regardless of how others in your workplace treat you. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
R-E-S-P-E-C-T E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.
When I was growing up, our dad shared a great deal about his own WOW Factor Workplace: IBM (where I eventually spent a portion of my own career, too). He taught us IBM’s “Basic Beliefs”, which were designed to guide employee behavior:
Respect for the individual
The best customer service in the world
Excellence
Back then, IBM’s Basic Beliefs, and especially “Respect for the individual” were the essence of IBM management. Living by IBM’s Basic Beliefs meant employees made the right decisions, not because they were told what to do, but because they intrinsically knew what to do.
Thomas J. Watson, Jr., the 2nd President of IBM, led the company for the first 15+ years of my dad’s tenure there. Mr. Watson sent out nearly 100 “Management Briefings” to IBM managers during those years, to convey his personal leadership philosophies. Here are some of his messages I think made IBM such a great company back then:
There are many things I would like IBM to be known for, but no matter how big we become, I want this company to be known as the company which has the greatest respect for the individual.
The employee relations of this company were founded long ago upon the Golden Rule and we expect all of our managers in working with their people to start with this fundamental.
One of the proudest claims is the fact that people say IBM is a good place to work. I like to think that as we continue to grow we are not only going to live up to that claim, but make IBM an even better place to work.
No subject occupies more executive time at IBM than the well-being of our employees and their families.
Nothing is more vital to the continuous improvement of IBM than constructive suggestions or criticism by each of us -- fairly given and fairly received.
If IBM is to continue to be strong, to grow, and to bring profit to all of us in the company and to our customers and stockholders, we must be certain -- constantly -- that we are headed in the right direction, making the right decisions, and treating every employee with respect.
We have always believed in IBM that our most important asset is our people and so we have followed a basic principle of trying to hire, train and keep the best possible people. This principle, along with the recognition of the dignity of every individual, is the backbone of IBM employee relations.
IBM's dedication to the dignity of the individual is no myth. To me it is the very essence of our success.
Respect is not an outdated concept. It’s just not as common as it was, once upon a time. If anything, it’s more important than ever that we focus on being respectful to others, at all times and in all situations. It’s certainly what “Best Places to Work” do. If acting with respect isn’t common where you work, then become the role model.
In the words of President John F. Kennedy: “One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.”