Owning Up to Vulnerability
August 2022
Here it is, campaign season again. Oh joy. I say that with a hint of sarcasm because every two years, when primaries and general elections roll around, there are always a few candidates, usually incumbents—who seemed so authentic and accessible before being elected to office—succumb to the irresistible allure of negative campaigning. Negative campaigning is when one candidate—typically the one most vulnerable to losing their grip on power—deliberately tries to make another look bad in attempts to convince you not to vote for that person.
If you are a registered voter, you’ve probably received numerous campaign mailers extolling the virtues of candidates “you can trust!” You’ve may have also received mailers and observed TV ads that make underhanded stretch-the-truth claims about up-and-coming challengers “you can’t trust!”; saying things like “they’re a phony!” or “they’re just another crooked politician!” or “they don’t represent our values!”
If you’ve been a political candidate yourself, or if you’ve ever vied for a highly visible promotion at work, you may have been the target of a more seasoned challenger who was hell-bent on undermining your credibility in efforts to make themselves appear more favorable.
I may be unique, but innuendos and character assassinations don’t resonate with me. Never have, never will. I find mudslinging—in politics or in the business world—to be a real turn off. I won’t support anyone who resorts to such tactics.
You may wonder why anyone who naturally seems to have the upper hand would resort to using schoolyard bully tactics. I’ve found those who do so typically have the most to lose. They are the most vulnerable because they have achieved ranking status within the party, or in the line of succession, or in elected office. Not wanting to lose the status they have attained, they resort to bullying tactics because they know from experience that they can get away with it.
it’s a well-known fact that negative political ads are more effective at generating the desired results than positive ads because they are stickier—meaning people tend to remember the downsides of an issue or candidate longer than they will remember positive information. Fear porn works.
Negative ads are also more effective because they can influence everyone. Attacks that make an opponent look bad will even influence that candidate’s supporters. Once negative information gets in someone’s head—whether true or not—it’s difficult to shake. And the more the message is repeated, the more impact it can have, even if it’s a blatant lie.
As the years go by, the more skeptical I become of all campaign ads and the more I abhor subversion. No one is perfect, so I tend to view glowingly positive ads—paid by the candidate or a Political Action Committee—with a grain of salt. I view attack ads with disdain. When all is said and done, I have found mudslinging candidates are generally guilty of the very offenses they ascribe to others.
In business, I would never knowingly hire or retain anyone who promotes fear, innuendos, or outright lies. Likewise, I would never want someone who does so to serve as my elected representative, be it at the local, state, or federal level.
When I was a child, my beloved Nana routinely instructed me, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Ever since, I’ve strived to live up to her sage advice.
It’s surprising how many people engage in what I’ve come to refer to as mean speak. Thanks to lessons from my Nana, I’ve come to understand that mean speak merely reflects the true character of the person conveying the message.
Mean speakers are typically vulnerable, insecure people. Adults as well as children behave at their worst when they feel the most powerless. Underneath their overly confident bullying exteriors, people who demean others usually feel powerless and vulnerable. Speaking ill of someone viewed as a threat makes them feel more powerful. Bullies go after people they think are easy prey—often the new kid on the block.
I previously posted a blog Where Do You Stand on the Scale Between Being Tolerant versus Offended? In it I provided a few examples where I elected to keep my mouth shut when a couple of bullies I worked with made sexist or condescending remarks to me, or about me, in front of others. In each case I initially tried being nice, but finally just gave each mean speaker enough rope to hang himself.
Mean speaking bullies are woefully lacking in self-awareness. Whether at work or on the campaign trail, mean speak is not only rude, but it also makes most everyone else uncomfortable. This is not a good trait in a leader.
More and more I find people growing sick and tired of backstabbing, defaming politicians. We the people are starving for more cooperative problem-solving and forthright action that measurably results in making the world a better place for everyone—not just better for the political elite. It’s time we ferret out self-serving, mean speaking people. At work, we should terminate them. In the political realm, we must refuse to vote for them until someday they own up to their vulnerability and consistently demonstrate authentic heartfelt leadership.
Owning up to vulnerability can be downright scary to someone who thinks they must appear as the strongest player in the game. Politicians’ and many business leaders’ first instincts are to play forcefully to win and avoid appearing vulnerable at all costs. But there is a fine line between appearing forcefully confident and being an obnoxious impostor.
Stretching the truth or outright lying—about yourself or others—makes people angry and disappointed in you. On the other hand, people will try to help you if you are honest. As Keith Ferrazzi, author of Who’s Got Your Back says, “Don’t be afraid of sharing your vulnerabilities. Vulnerability doesn’t make you weak, it makes you accessible. Know that your vulnerability can be your strength.”
Owning up to vulnerability is the inflection point where courage, creativity, and innovation can take flight. That’s what real leadership is all about.