Whose Job is it to Solve Problems, Anyway?
August 2020
As a manager, do you expect your team members to leave their personal problems at the door upon arrival at work or are you open to discussing anything and everything that may be troubling them? When a team member asks you for advice about a personal issue, how do you handle it? Do you believe serving as a coach and counselor in all aspects of an employee’s life is part and parcel of a manager’s job?
The January 2020 edition of the Harvard Business Review contained an article entitled The Costs of Being a Caring Manager (refer to https://hbr.org/2020/01/the-costs-of-being-a-caring-manager) which summarized a study conducted by the authors, Klodiana Lanaj, Professor, and Remy E. Jennings, a doctoral student, both at the Warrington College of Business at the University of Florida. The article suggested new managers, when asked for advice on personal issues by direct reports, tend to feel a mixture of distress, sadness, and nervousness–and they would be less engaged at work that day. The authors also sited others studies that suggested leaders in certain industries spend as much as 2.5 hours each week responding to direct reports’ personal issues running the gamut from problems with marriages to mental health to child care.
In my 30+ years in the corporate world, I don’t recall ever asking any of my managers for advice or counsel on a personal issue. While I typically had very amicable relationships with the vast majority of my managers, the closest I ever came to discussing personal issues with a manager was simply to request personal time off (PTO) in order to address the kind of issues any parent, spouse, or adult child of an aging parent must attend to from time to time. I never felt at all compelled to provide a reason for a PTO request.
Aside from the fact that my husband and I worked in the same organizations for years, and we have hosted a number of thank you events for our teams and their significant others in our home, I intentionally draw a line between my work life and my personal life. Whenever I am “on the clock” I give my 100% best efforts to ensure my teams and I together achieve the vision, mission and objectives of the organization in an exemplary manner. To the fullest extent possible, my personal issues are dealt with outside of work.
Like anyone, I’ve certainly had my share of personal challenges, from a failed first marriage early on to raising two sons, all the while trying to successfully break the proverbial glass ceiling. Yet, I never looked to my manager for advice on personal matters. Rather, when it seemed my personal challenges were more than I could handle on my own, I sought advice from the qualified professionals available through my company’s Employee Assistance Program (part of our corporate benefits package). I was fortunate to have such outstanding resources at my disposal.
That said, there have been times when my peers and direct reports have come to me for advice and counsel on non-work related issues. I suppose it comes with the territory when you have a reputation for being approachable and you are perceived as having your act together. Yet, while I don’t encourage team members to share personal issues with me at work, neither do I turn them away when they seek my counsel. Instead, I listen.
In response, I may ask questions to help them consider the various perspectives of their issue and the potential ramifications of their various options. I may encourage them to define their personal priorities and desired outcomes. Yet, I don’t solve their problems for them ... I don’t even solve problems for my own children.
Instead, I take advantage of these opportunities to help these individuals develop sound judgement, enhance their decision-making skills, and become more self-reliant. I view this as part of a heartfelt leader’s journey to develop more capable leaders and more valuable members of society.
I learned early on, no matter how many times you may have successfully dealt with a challenging issue, situations and people vary. You cannot assume that what worked for you will work for someone else. You can’t even assume what has worked for you in the past will work for you in a new situation. Each of us, as responsible adults, must evaluate our own situations, consider the specific factors currently in play, and rationally assess the potential impacts our alternative courses of action could have on others.
While heartfelt leaders are masters at listening and they take time on a regular basis to build trusting relationships, being a caring manager doesn’t have to be stressful, nor should any heartfelt leader feel responsible to offer advice on personal matters. If someone truly needs help to work through a personal issue, it may be best to recommend they seek counsel from an objective expert professional.
The leader’s role is to define the organization’s strategy and the objectives to be achieved. The leader explains the why of the mission and defines the intended outcome. Good leaders delegate the decision making for how to accomplish the mission to those who must do the work.
Great managers create engaging environments, remove roadblocks, and provide the tools necessary for team members to perform at their personal best. Great leaders listen to understand versus convince or object. They serve as coach and mentor to ensure each team member feels empowered and confident to take initiative and solve problems for themselves.
Best-ever bosses coach and mentor team members to take calculated risks and solve their own problems, whether work-related or personal. Heartfelt leaders give team members latitude to work out their own plans for achieving the intended outcome, facilitate success, are tolerant of mistakes, stand by those who have done their best, and reward initiative.
That’s how strong, successful, WOW factor workplaces are made.